A Self Check

Yes, it is true. If you look at the time I posted this, it truly is 5:45 in the morning. I can't go to sleep with all this on my mind. It probably won't make any sense, but I need to get it off my chest. If you are interested in postings about sewing/craft projects, this won't be one of those posts.

This post is called exactly what it should be: A Self Check. That is what just happened. TRUTH confronting me.

I can be so blind to the truth and to what is right. Why? I completely blame it on my selfishness to do things on my own.  In most cases, in order for God to show me truth, He has to basically throw it all at me at once or else I miss everything.

Picture this: there is a wall in front of me (The Wall being Truth). However, it is only a few feet tall and a few feet wide. Easy to get over it and around it. Because it is so "small" and hard to distinguish, I don't take note of it. I do everything to ignore it. Allowing myself to pretend something else is true. I even try to knock it down in order for my "truth" or what I know to be "true" to fit in. Unfortunately, with this tiny Wall, I don't take it into account. What I don't realize is that the lies are slowly being built on top of it. One brick, or lie at a time, none of it being true so none of it being supported by the Wall already there. It only takes one storm to bring it down. And that is exactly what happened. It came crumbling on top of me.
Pardon the analogy if it doesn't make much sense. I'm just going with it at the moment.

I have allowed things that are not true to creep into my life. Things that have affected relationships with other people.

What have I become? That is not me. At least, I don't want that to be me. EVER. I am disappointed in my self. I am the only one to blame in the situation(s).

I feel horrible about everything that has occurred. It stinks feeling this way, but this is the only way God ever gets my attention: By throwing everything at me at once. By putting me into the spot of how I have hurt other people.

I realize hardly anyone will know what I am talking about when they read this. Honestly, it is not about knowing the story. I am writing this to keep myself accountable to fix what I have wronged. To change my knowledge. To get rid of the what is not true.

I can't do this on my own. Which is what God has shown to me. He is the Maker of the Truth. He IS the Truth. I can't take away the hurt that I have caused unfortunately. I really won't be able to fix things. Only He can do that. I just pray that He will provide me with the guidance I need for the situation(s) and to help me remember that I can't be Him and won't be able to make right of everything.
I wish I could make everything right and put it back to how it was, but it won't ever be that way, sadly. I know what I need to do. I can't change others and their views/"truths", but I will make it so that what is right and true is brought forward and recognized.

 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. ~ Ephesians 4:31-32

All have sinned and are not good enough for God’s glory, and all need to be made right with God by His grace, which is a free gift. They need to be made free form sin through Jesus Christ. ~ Romans 3: 23-24 NCV



When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too. ~ Mark 11:25
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. ~ Romans 12:2

And let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t get discouraged and give up. That’s why whenever we can we should always be kind to everyone, and especially to our Christian brothers. ~ Galatians 6: 9-10

A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance. Blessed is the man who reveres God, but the man who doesn’t care is headed for serious trouble. ~ Proverbs 28: 13-14

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. ~ Phillipians 4:8


Remember, too, that knowing what is right to do and then not doing it is sin. ~ James 4: 17

I dont know if anyone actually read everything I wrote. I don't know if it makes much sense to anyone. It is mainly for me as a reminder of what I want to happen and what needs to happen.  However, I feel like we can all relate to the fact of wrongdoing and allowing God and His Grace to fix it.

Until next time,
K